Breaking News: Nigerian Fraudster Illegally Becomes President of the AJA.

The Judokong investigative team has recently discovered that a shadowy figure, known to friends and associated as “Ben Stallworthy,” “Captain Ben” or “Mr Big,” has been unconstitutionally elected as the President of the Auckland Judo Association (AJA). 

Nigerian fraudster known as "Captain Ben" or "Mr Big"

The story broke when it was discovered that “Captain Ben” had been unconstitutionally elected as the President at the Annual General Meeting, 15 February 2015. According to commentators, Stallworthy’s meteoric rise to the Presidency has been built entirely on an intricate web of lies. Not only was his election unconstitutional (on account of a temporarily lapsed registration) but, according an unnamed bystander, “Stallworthy” was “not even eligible to stand or even represent his club.” The situation is dire, said the bystander. “What should have happened was the other candidate for the position should have won automatically by default.” “The other candidate had a stellar career in coaching amateur women’s beach volleyball. I can confidently say that I think Judo would have been safer in his hands!” said the bystander.

Image added simply because we can.

Members of the Judo community are reported to be incensed by “Stallworthy’s” deception. Another figure, who also asked not to be named, said that he “felt let down by Stallworthy.” “I remain excited by women’s beach volleyball” he said. “I still don’t think we understand the damage Stallworthy has done to Judo in Auckland as a result of his actions.”


Further research, however, has found that Stallworthy’s Presidential coup is merely the tip of the iceberg. According to unnamed sources, the former President is also an illegal Nigerian immigrant. According to NSA spokesperson, Chuck Jaeger, Stallworthy was known to them, and they had been monitoring his movements in New Zealand. Jaeger also noted how the Nigerian Stallworthy had leveraged his background in Taekwondo and theatre sports to pass himself off as a Judoka over a period of twenty or so years. “The only blackbelt that guy has got is in email fraud” said Jaeger. “That guy is singularly responsible for around 45-65% of all enhance your penis emails.”

External political commentators have suggested the situation is Obama all over again. During Barack Obama's campaign for president and in the years following his election, many conspiracy theories have been circulated asserting that he is not a natural-born citizen of the United States and consequently, under Article Two of the U.S. Constitution, was ineligible to be President of the United States. Theories allege that Obama's published birth certificate is a forgery—that his actual birthplace is not Hawaii but Kenya (and that he is actually a Muslim).